Meditation is not about clearing or controlling your mind
What would you say if I invited you to a guided meditation session?
Recently, my sister had this experience as I asked her if she wanted to do her first ever meditation session. Game but clearly a little bit uncomfortable, she said how she'd love to be able to control her thoughts and to think less. She even did a bit of ‘chanting.’
Oh uh.
I almost didn’t have the heart to tell her.
When you think of meditation, perhaps you think of a silent Buddhist monk on a retreat, sitting for hours with a completely blank mind.
But meditation is not about getting rid of your thoughts and somehow ‘clearing your mind.’ It’s also not about controlling your thoughts, pushing away unwelcome thoughts or feelings.
So what is meditation if it’s not about not controlling your thoughts and emotions?
I have been going deeper into my own meditation practice over the past year and finding it profoundly beneficial in lots of different ways. To incorporate meditation more into more my teaching practice, I am taking Foundations in Teaching Mindfulness Meditation with Michael Stone through Yogacampus.
Michael describes meditation as the practice of coming back to whatever we have chosen to focus on. Noticing when our attention has drifted, and gently and without judgement bringing it back to our focus. Our focus can be our breath, sensations, or sounds. You can think of meditation as the practice of consciously being aware of our present experience.
“meditation is the practice of conscious awareness”
Does that sound underwhelming? Boring? So simple so it couldn’t possibly have any benefits?
If it does, I totally understand. (There's a reason why I didn't meditate until relatively recently.) But through my own practice, this gentle act of remembering and practicing coming back to my focus has been profound. And it goes hand in hand with the goal of yoga: to see oneself and the world clearly.
What does this actually mean?
Surprisingly often our mind is engaged in re-living the past or imagining the future. For example, your mind could be busy crafting that perfect zinger to win that argument five minutes (or five years!) ago. Or it could be planning what you need to pick up for dinner, or dreaming about a trip you want to take someday. If you’re living with long covid like I am, or another chronic illness, it can mean projecting your current experience into the future: “I will always feel this way.”
What's so bad about that?
This means that we are rarely actually living in the present. Our mind lives elsewhere, in our thoughts about the past or hopes about the future. But the only thing that truly exists is the present. Instead of living in the present, we are often living in an imaginary web, woven with thoughts or emotions. And like a fly in a web, we can become stuck in this web – without really noticing.
When we’re stuck, our thoughts and emotions etch themselves into our minds and bodies. They create tracks that we follow mindlessly.
Perhaps we think that we are an anxious person or shy or lazy -- and in some ways we then become anxious, shy, or lazy.
How does meditation work against becoming stuck?
The practice of meditation interrupts these thoughts loops: when you notice that you are having a thought or emotion, you gently bring the mind back to your point of focus. Sounds easy right? Only that most people -- myself included – will be surprised to learn that their mind is usually somewhere else completely. Rehearsing, imagining, projecting… Its only when we stop and notice through awareness that we can create the space and freedom to live differently.
You are not your thoughts.
When you notice that you are thinking and experiencing strong sensations or emotions, you can take a step back.
Meditation has several benefits:
You live in the present, which is the only thing that really exists.
You learn to recognize unhelpful thoughts and behaviours.
You can process your emotions but from a safe distance.
You become less of a slave to your old thought and behaviour patterns -- meaning you can live life more in line with how you actually want to live.
You lay down new thought and behaviour tracks in your mind and body. Eventually the old tracks in your mind and body fade. (This is a concept called "neuroplasticity" -- an incredibly powerful concept.) Your mind literally changes -- and by being mindful and present you can direct how it changes.
My top tips for meditating
Practice with a guide.
For many people, especially beginners, doing guided meditation is great because it will help with keeping focused and knowing what to do. This can be done live in person or live virtually, including with me (contact me here). It can also easily be done using pre-recorded guided meditations, like with an app.
Practice committing.
I dabbed in meditation for years and would for a while sit for 5 minutes - or even less! It was a good start, but I wanted to become more consistent and experience meditation more fully.
I decided I would try meditating 20 minutes every day for a week. At the end of this week, I would take stock to see how I felt. So I committed to setting my alarm every day at 7 AM. (Thankfully I had deliberatively picked a quiet week when I wasn’t out and about as often in the evenings.) It was hard in part because post covid, I am not great at getting up in the morning. But I persevered.
And even after just one week, I could already feel that my mind was just that little bit quieter and calmer. I also noticed that I fell asleep more easily in the evening: my mind didn't wasn’t as able to lead me astray – only for me to notice hours later that it’s 1:47 AM and my mind is wide awake.
Currently, I set my alarm 30 minutes earlier to make sure I meditate at least 5 days a week. Sometimes I sit for less time. More than 6 months later, the effects are even more noticeable, and it was all thanks to that first week just committing to it.
Practice enjoying it.
Sometimes when I am sitting, I notice that I am getting frustrated, bored or impatient -- or my mind is off roaming around and I am less able to remember and bring my attention back. That's when I say, "I'm going to enjoy this." I give myself permission to luxuriate in just sitting in silence. I feel my body relax -- and often that's when my resistance melts away and my mind becomes calm.
Top resources for the meditation-curious
10% Happier - Meditation for Sceptics by Dan Harris. Now an app with lots of guided meditations and videos about all aspects of the practice, it is originally based on an entertaining memoir by Dan Harris, who is an American TV anchor and suffered a panic attack on live TV. Looking to tame the voice in his head, he tried meditation and found that it worked. I would highly recommend reading the book, especially if you are also a bit of a sceptic.
Headspace. Another popular app, with great courses for beginners.
London Buddhist Center in East London. You don't have to be a Buddhist to go to this center. I would recommend their near daily meditation sessions, there are even some online sessions and courses if you live further afield. If you do live locally, it’s run by a wonderful group of people who are always incredibly welcoming. Perfect if you’re used to meditation alone but want to experience meditation with others in a group. If you are feeling brave, you can also try one of their weekend retreats in Suffolk!
With me at Wellness with Amanda. I would love to help you discover and experience the benefits of meditation and develop a practice that works for you. This can be either in a dedicated meditation class or incorporated into a yoga class to the degree that is right for you.
Drop me a line here - I would love to hear from you!